life sucks for the moment.

I am having an off week. And by week I don't mean it started on Monday, by week I mean it started on Friday and hasn't stopped yet.

I've been asking myself, "Why am I here?" a lot. I know this won't last forever.

and I'm not completely discouraged. 

But I'm close.

I have no money. NONE

that seems to be the number one thing that makes me unhappy. Lack of money.

It's not like I'm upset that I can't buy myself stuff. 

I'm upset that I can't be responsible and pay rent and credit card bills.

I'm down in the dumps.

That's all.

Being out here is like being pregnant with something. 

You know that at the end of this nine months something wonderful will have happened,

that will change my whole life.

But right now. I'm feeling the contractions. 

It comes in waves, then it settles down with breakthrough.

Then it comes again. If I feel this crappy now I really don't want to know what the next wave will be like.

But at the end of this I will be so happy when it's over, and that I made it. And I will have something in me that I will be proud of. Because I stuck it out.