Yaks (hairball)

There must be some kind of scientific explanation for the kind of day I'm having.

Planets aligning, or a full moon,

 or some kind of movement of true north.

The kind of day I'm having is a kind of day I've had before. 

There is something in me that is attracting other bodies.

If I am not running into someone

I am moving and end up in their way.

I feel like I'm in a dream.

It's like there's some kind of magnetic pull towards me.

But not the kind of pull I want. 

It's making me go crazy. Going home makes it worse.

Thank God for Evan, he left fresh and frozen fruit and spinach at my house.

Praise the Lord I won't be eating ramen noodles!

I'm waiting for Erin so we can look at apartments..

I'm sitting in the only one of a kind cafe they have in Redding.

Yaks. yeah the messed up on the name. 

But everything seems to be in place. miss matched tables and chairs, warm and unique tones on the walls. Some local artists paintings are hanging up and they are playing Nick Drake. Yep everything seems to be in place. But there is something VERY out of place..

The people.

There's a woman with an awful hair dye job interviewing a very frail man with.. is that grey hair? I can't tell. It's looks like dirty straw. His skin is like leather. She is interviewing him for a job taking care of someone with a mental disability. I can feel the awkwardness from here. It's thick.

I've realized that I dress myself according to my mood.

When I feel pretty I dress pretty.

Today I feel like a walking accident!

So I'm wearing a mismatched clashing outfit of stretch pants. 

a white V-neck with a ironed on picture of Gabe Venezuala and a Navy blue cardigan. 

I'm hoping that it will keep people from bumping into me.

I need to spend some time alone with God tonight. 

My weekend

This weekend has been one of much excitement. 

I went to San Francisco on Friday. 

I am making it a point to live in this city.

I don't know when that will happen, but it simply must.

The city has the most character of any city I've been in yet.

I'm going to have to start making the big bucks to live there though.

I went down and saw my dear friend Evan Reese. Whom I had a wonderful time with.

We went to one of his classes where they were making bridges out of limited amounts of balsa wood. Then they saw how much weight the bridges could hold.

Evan's bridge held 125 lbs

everyone elses could hold like 30 lbs. 

needless to say I was very proud of Evan.

We went down to the ocean, it was beautiful. We walked around cliffs

and through a cave,

and down to the ocean.

I put my feet in the pacific ocean for the first time since April.

It was FREEZING!

We walked and talked a lot.

It was really great to catch up with Evan.

When you move to a new place and there is someone familiar there with you something happens.

I felt like we could really talk

and get to know eachother.

There weren't really any distractions.

I feel the same way about Joel Kendrick. 

If we hadn't both moved out here

I might have never

really gotten to know him. I'm so happy I have that chance now.

Anyways, Evan and I were at the beach most of the 

afternoon.

We drove around listening to Indian music

in the city admiring all of the colorful apartments 

that probably cost a fortune to live in.

We went and got some fruit 

and some afganistan food.

I didn't get to eat mine though. 

We drove back up to Redding. The drive back up was MUCH more enjoyable because of Evan's presence, and he showed me 

some amazing music. 

We listened to 

NOVELIFT -Nicks new band
 

Son Lux

and Jeremy Enigk of Sunny Day Real Estate and The Fire Theft

It was good stuff

When we got back to Redding we went to the Bluff where 

there were friends playing music 

around a candle fire.

We went to Graham's dress up birthday party.

"Everyone looked interesting in their 'Smart Attire'." Benjamin Dobsin commented.

Which I'm not sure if that means,

"It's fun to see people looking their best."

or

"It's funny to see what people think looks good on them"

I'm not quite sure what to make of it,

But I think I looked cute. 

Although I don't remember one picture being taken of me that night.

Which is a shame.

I haven't been that dolled up in ages.

We retired to Jordan DiMarco's to watch The Goonies.

All in all it was a good weekend. a little tiring.

And I double booked myself this morning.

Kim's back and I KNOW she ate birthday cake while

she was out of town.

We are on a diet.

and if she cheats she owes me 20 bucks

So far she owes me 60

40 of which she has some how talked her way out of.

This could be how I make rent this month.

Natalie

My friend Natalie died this morning.

She was in a coma. 

and that's not 

ok.

Black and White to Color

I've realized that the thing that makes me feel the most grounded is family.

This week I've had the pleasure of hanging around families.

Even if it's just brother's or sister's. 

This morning I went with my friend Melissa to her brother's house.

He made all of us breakfast. 

It made me miss the Rizzo's SO much.

Just a bunch of people who are loving each other, making food, giving hand massages, telling stories.

I've made some amazing friends here.

God has been so good too!

During worship lately I've been drawn into this really intimate place.

Where all I can do is cry because I'm overwhelmed with the most amazing love.

I love the verse 1st John 4:10 This is love not that we loved God, but that He loved us

and sent his only son as an atoning sacrifice.

As God begins to pour out his love on us. We learn how we are to love him, and others.

God has shown me his father love through my dad.

And through my grandpa. and through some pastors in my life.

Because of these men who have loved me completely I have learned to love.

And I have learned the heart of the father.

He's always changing, but his mercies are new every morning.

They are new because he's so huge that there's enough of him to find out something new every morning. 

After reading Good Morning Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. I have come to a place where all I just want to be in his presence

During corporate worship times I find my self feeling like it's just us.

And I long for the times where it really is just us.

I've been asking him to take me on dates. Special times for just us.

I remember when I was little if my dad would wake me up early on Saturday's and take me places I felt so special.

Even though one of the times he took me to Cinnebon to confront me about a boy I had been talking to that he didn't like.

Anyways, I've been asking Holy Spirit to give me those 

special times where it's just us.

Thursday morning my alarm was randomly set to wake me up at 5:00.

I woke up and thought. No way. I'm going back to bed.

Then I had to go to the bathroom so bad that very second.

So I had to get up.

As soon as I got up the Holy Spirit said, "This is our chance, just us"

So I got into my car and drove around and listened to some music.

We just talked and I prayed and it was so much fun.

I came home and went back to bed. I had the deepest sleep ever. I love those times so much. I love the feeling that he longs to spend time with me, even more than I long to spend time with him.

It hurts my heart so much now when I think about all of the times

when he wanted my attention and I didn't think twice about him.

I can't grieve him.. He's all I have.

It's weird we sing all these songs where it's like all I want is you.

So there's two ways of looking at this.

It's like I'm making such a sacrifice by giving up everything and just taking you..

Or looking at it like. 

I get to give up everything that is crap, and miserable and I get to have the best thing I could ever imagine! 

By all accounts that isn't fair. Like I give him my crap and he gives me an amazing life.

Sounds like a deal. 

and I love deals.

I love the Holy Spirit. It's like without him everything is black and white.

You can see everything fine. and everything can be beautiful.

But when you have him 

everything is in color. Everything is enhanced and somehow 

makes much more sense.

You can survive in black and white. But once you've seen color how could you go back?

This is a little off topic. But I'm going to be finding out my missions trip pretty soon. and I think I'll be setting up a pay pal or something so people can support me who read this.

If you feel lead to send me money

or support me with prayer, I'll take it.

I want to have enough money so that I can give it to people at my school who will get kicked out if they don't pay their tuition.

I want to have enough money to go on my missions trip.

and I want to have enough money that I can move into my own apartment.

I want enough money so that I can by canvases and start painting.

If that's by people's support,

or me getting extra jobs

or money appearing in the bank I'll take it.

God's taking care of me.

I'm not stressed about money anymore. Ever. 

I used to freak out if I couldn't pay people on time. I used to have panic attacks and cry hysterically.

Now.. I laugh 

and know that everything is going to be fine.