I feel like the lesson I'm learning right now is to not wait for random encouragement from others. But to draw from the well of what I know is true about myself.
But hearing it from others is really nice sometimes.
But I don't need to sit in self pity waiting for it.
When I start pitying myself it's like a cycle. I pity, then I realize that's stupid and I hate myself for doing it.
I'm realizing that I'm way more talented than I realize. Which isn't humility, it's stupidity.
Because I could be getting better at what I know.
I need to get vocal coaching
and I need guitar lessons.
I love music so much, I just want to be the best at it I can be.
I know that in my life I'm not excellent at much of anything,.
I'm halfway good at a LOT of things.
I hate myself for how I don't follow through.
This last week I was telling a friend that I wanted to go to College after Bethel, and he replied, "Do you really think you'll do that?"
I was really hurt, but I realized that it was a valid question.
He's never seen me follow through before.
Ouch what a horrible image to give to someone.
Why are my heart and my actions so out of alignment.
It's enough to make me sick.
Today is a cry baby day. I want to cry. But we aren't even having worship, so there's no quiet place I can go and cry and not have people ask me what's wrong.
I miss Travis Archer.
I miss a lot of people. It's going to be really hard to leave Nashville when I go back for Christmas.
3 different people offered me a free place to live over summer in Seattle. I'm thinking about it. There are so many beautiful places to explore in Washington I've never seen.
I want to see the Olympics. I've only been to Mt. Rainier once. I haven't seen all I want to see there. It's so beautiful.
I can't stop listening to Snowden by Doves on Some Cities
If you haven't heard it I highly recommend it. Anything by Doves is wonderful though.
Doves makes me think of the O.C. so lame I know.
I want a scooter.
