I feel like this

PRIVATE: Entries from my spy notebook.

Let me preface this entry by saying this. I wanted desperately to be a spy. After watching Harriet the spy I started a notebook, I started wearing a raincoat, and I started talking shit about my friends. These are some choice entries from this spy notebook I had. I am going to keep the spelling the same. I was probably about eight or nine years old at this time.


______________________________________________________
Michaela A. McLaird
Megan is my vary best frend but shee wont admet it.

Michaela A McLaird
Millisa never tocks
I wonder if she ever will

Sincerley
Michaela
_______________________________________________________

Zoes parents are geting a devorse and zoes moms boss is being nice to zoe and her mom. But not her dad so zoes mom wil like her boss. Zoe loves her dad and hats the boss.

Spy Time
Michaela A. McLaird

Dallas is my brother he is always tawking from movies

no one nose I am a spy
________________________________________________________

Cortney
I wonder wy she is so secretiv, but I like her anways a good pyspay (pig latin for spy, I guess I wanted to hide the fact that she was a spy... even though I write it everywhere.)

always ceepes to herself
and a good spy knows everything about everyone

Michaela A. McLaird
_________________________________________________________

Hannah Hundsberger
is vary nice but she tawky to fast for me.

Emmy Luiws is sometimes mean and a little bit nice.

Michaela A. McLaird
_________________________________________________________
Anny is a vary good friend and she is vary vary nice....... a little TOO nice

______________________________________________________


Well that's all for this installment of spy time. Tune in next time when I talk more shit about close friends

Smile

I don't smile enough appearantly.
sorry if I give people dirty looks, sometimes I mean it sometimes I don't.

everything anything something nothing

I feel like I've tossed things around like they mean nothing. And in turn they have become nothing to me. When something is nothing to you, everyone around you treats you like it's nothing too. I remember when I thought just one kiss was the most special important thing in the world. I'm trying desperately to believe this again. I know this might sound silly, like a way to get hurt more. But right now at this point. I would rather feel every bit of pain that comes along with anything that means something. I feel like I've put so much into not feeling anything. I've put so much into being tough. I wanna be soft. I've always felt like the more unavailable I was the more somone would want me. I'm done with that.
I feel like I'm not explaining this well.

I was listening to this song by Jens Lekman.



But I would never kiss anyone
who doesn't burn me like the sun
and I remember every kiss
like my first kiss
like my first kiss

I want something to mean everything, and everything to mean something.

I woke up with a spider bite. This disturbs me. This means a spider is in or around my bed even now. This means a spider was on me at some point in the night. This spider doesn't have the balls to show it's face in daylight. And I probably swallowed this spider. He/She deserved it.