sticks 'n' stones

I am the biggest asshole ever.

I have been given a great, and horrible gift. I know people. and I can either help them or make them feel terrible. I know someone pretty well. They don't realize it yet, but despite their best efforts I can see right through them. This person is the kind of person that seems like they lack all human emotion. This person seems like nothing you do or say could ever effect them. This person seems like they've got it all figured out. But the truth is. This person doesn't know who they are or why anyone would ever want to be their friend. This person is extremely sensitive. But this person has a problem. This person is a jerk. They get away with it all the time, and hurts all the people that love him. Somewhere along they way this person became aware of a lie telling him that people who love him are only going to fail him and leave him. So now he makes it hell for all the people that mean the most to him. Might as well hurt them and get rid of them before they leave him on their own. Might as well take control and make sure they NEVER leave without him making them.

I hate seeing this. It hurts my heart. and knowing this information about a person I hardly know can be dangerous. Tonight I made an asshole comment, not thinking twice about it. And after I said it, he made me feel awful about it. I said the one thing that I could say to make him believe that lie. The lie of being abandoned and not wanted. I didn't do it on purpose. I have never felt so sick to my stomach over something I've said like I did tonight. I can't do that again.

I hate life. and I love it too.
everything is awesome.
the end